That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you." (Isaiah 43:4)
Early today, and I mean like really early before 4:00 a.m. I woke up in one of my spirit heated prayers episodes. I call them episodes because for some reason in certain seasons I find myself up and about regardless of how late I went to bed or how well I am physically feeling, heated with prayers with a burdening load on my chest that won't go away until my spirit feels some sort of a resolution and answer to whatever issue lifted in my prayers.
My best friend and my sister calls this time the shift changing time in the spiritual realm; she gets up herself sometime at this hour to dedicate the day to God and declare him as her Higher Power over the course of her day.
I am not sure where she got that from, but I like it.. it reminds me of the scene in the movie "The City of Angels" when all the Angels used to gather from all around to witness sunrise saying that it makes a magnificent sound that only they "Angels" could hear and they give praise at that time.
So, in my shift changing time, I was feeling darkness all around not only in my room but inside me that have filled me with feelings of fear, disorientation and confusion. I started lifting up my eyes to where my help comes from (Psalm 121:1) and this temporarily moment of darkness made me reflect on other periods of darkness in my life. I was reminded of a one dark moment in my life filled with despair, destitute and pity; seeing myself abandoned by "man" and felt no hope that things will ever get bettered, I decided to end my life. Yes, I did! With the grace of God, my life was preserved, with no significant damage whatsoever, except to the heart of my God apparently!
I felt the face of my loving God looking down at me, reminding me in HIS loving voice, "I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine." (Isaiah 43:1). Though I am a particle in this wide earth, in the galaxy and in the creation, my Higher Power has spotted me, SEEN me, and Loved me, HE Desired and Wanted me. HE knew that being in this falling wold I was to perish if I am left to follow my choices and those made of my ancestors before me. HE Wanted Life for Me and WORKED for it, with a living, perfect, pure and holy sacrifice; so that I may not perish but Live! (John 3:16)
The longing loving spot in my Higher Power's heart did not allow me to go and lay in the ground with those before me deceived by a lie that says-- I am not Loved! feeling rejected by humans.
In our modern day, when we people work for the Government and taxes we say working for the man! In that moment of honesty in my shift changing prayer time I saw how I lived, worked for and was fooled and manipulated by the man. The Man in the world form of what we think is "In Control" and "In Charge" to grant us acceptance, approval and love; deciding on our success and failures.
In this deep moment of unity with my God in spirit I was reminded of the sweetest voice of my best friend and sister and the twin of my soul, asking me to pray for her so she can feel the self acceptance and approval she deserves!! My spirit shouted with drums and noise, knowing the special truth my Higher Power lovingly wanted to share with me at this so early hour in the morning.
Today, I declare the WILL of my Higher Power over my life; Do not die with the lie, but live with the truth that "I am God, You Personal God... Your Savior" (Isaiah 43:3)
Today, I attend to the bride of the throne with oil of myrrh and sweet odors for Her preparation to stand pure and without wrinkle before the Groom (Esther 2:12); with only tears of longing and gratitude, wearing their crowns of pride and dignity with HIS love banner over them, giving themselves to the Groom accepting HIS long awaiting invitation to join HIM in eternal living.
Today, I blog, for "I didn't die. I lived! And now I'm telling the world what God did." (Psalm 118:17)
give thanks for her who writes a litany of light. for she gives me warmth that breads hope. hope for a now that births a bright future.
ReplyDeleteLove you Sue.