Backstage Pass

"The Son of Man is no lackey to the Sabbath; he's in charge."-- (Mat 12:8)

A few days ago I went to a concert to see one of my really closed friends perform.  The place was packed, in an attempt to avoid the crowd I tried to politely apologize from attending, and suggest to get together later.  My friend was clearly very disappointed and pleaded for me to attend specially that I am often out of the country and I haven't seen him perform since the band was still in its early stages.

I caved and promised to meet afterwards and share my feedback.  The concert was a huge success, and I did not realize how many fans my friends had.  There were large numbers of screaming fans singing along and dancing to their music.  That explained the number of security roaming around and guarding the exits to the place, in addition to assigned personnel just to make sure to keep the roaring fans from going backstage and "bother" the band.  

When the concert ended, I called my friend as agreed and I informed him of where I was standing along with another friend of mine next to one of the backstage doors.  It was a useless and some how funny to attempt convincing the securety guards that we are not some fans trying to go back stage but acutally we have been requested to come.  I am sure they were rolling their eyes in their heads and saying to themselves "that what you all say" J

Few moments later my friend the lead singer came outside to where we were standing and it became very obvious to the gurards that we were more than just some random acquaintance.  Shortly after congratulating my friend we gently denied his invitation to stay longer and join them at some after party gathering.  We headed out, the scene was different this time, the security guards were more friendly and smiling as they pointed us to the way out and they even wished us a good night. 

Today, I examen my heart and search my life and recognize my need to step closer into the glory of God.  It is a place that I can not force myself into.  I have to be invited to draw near.  I know I am not one of the great apostles, religious scholars or community leaders.  I am only a child (Mark 10:14) and perhaps with the criteria and judgement of some could be no better than the outsider Canaanite woman (Mat 15:22).  Yet, both the children and this outsider woman had courage to stand and hope for an exceptional/favored invitation to draw near to the Master.  

My own mind play a simlar role on me like those security guards at the concert, so do many in good faith take upon themselves the responsibility to plan the affairs of the Lord thinking that they are the ones who know what is acceptable and desirable to Him.

Yet, to my great joy and pleasure I know what those children and the outsider woman understood before me.  This powerful hero who dared the religious scholars and teachers of the law to heal, save, love and revive in his own time overruling the Sabbath; Satisfy the thirst of a Samaritan ignoring the eternal debate of tribal desputes of who worships God best.  

The unspoken secret was made known to the simple ones.  The one who even the storm and the wind at His beck and call (Mark 4:41), is more than willing and desiring to extend an exceptional and favored backstage invitation

Today, I know I am favored and precious.  I am accepted and welcomed to the full glory of The Almighty's very presence.

Keeping Promises - Rock-Solid-Guarantee!

"Spread for me a banquet of praise, serve High God a feast of kept promises"—(Psalm 50:14)

One of the most adorable charachtaristics and personality traits of my Higher Power that I so much adore is His Faithfulness, that "He doesn't break promises!" (Tit 1:2).  It is the corner stone of my security and safety that guarantee that I am going to see all my hopes, dreams and heart desires come to pass.  

I know that I am created in His image: a trusting, faithful being.  Yet perhaps it was through the broken promises of many adults and authority figures in my life, that "unfaithfulness" slowly worked itself into the patterns of my consciousness so I might start to believe that it was useless to hope/dream/want or desire anything because one way or another "promises" will find their way to be "broken". 

The path of Loving myself to Healing and to Wholeness, led me to start learning to trust again.  It took many disappointing, frustrating and defeating situations to break my ability to trust.  I learned today, that the painful lessons of a lifetime are not unlearned over night.  It takes time to "step out of the traffic" (Psalm 46:10) and learn new patterns of thinking, beliefs and attitudes. 

Today, I learned that the first step to changing an old habit is "Willingness".  Knowing that "Willingness doesn't give us the knowledge to solve the problem, but it may give us the energy to leave our isolation and seek out others with the knowledge.  It is the seed wanting to break through the soil to see the light of day, to be what it is meant to be." (from the meditation book "God Grant Me")

Today, I am learning that my reinstalled confidence to trust in my ability to be faithful and keep the promises I make to my Higher Power and to others start with my own faithfulness in keeping the promises I make to myself. 

Last week, and only after one day from arriving home for my first vacation in a long very tiring and exhausting working year.   A friend of mine asked me to accompany her on a road trip for a one day concert she is part of.  She was excited for us to spend time together and finally catch up.  I said Ok. Only to woke up the next day unsurprisingly, both very sleepy and extremely exhausted, not believing that I am still to go on a 6 hours bus ride with a bunch of screaming, raging teenagers, and then be present to support my friend and hear her sing.  I so much graved the quietness and comfortableness of my own bed.  And flirted with the idea of apologizing from this trip, I knew she might probably not be all that heart broken or devastated if I did not join after all her co-vocalist is her best friend and I was only invited because this concert kept cancelling itself over and over until I arrived.

Finally I dragged myself off bed,  knowing that I could very much probably be right that it is not necessary for me to go, but it was Important, for I have given my word.  And I am learning to be Faithful.  

I find that it is still a high risk situation and completely out of my comfort zone to be consciously willingly to subject myself to the risk of being rejected, disapproved of or blamed.  And it is much easer to send myself on an EGO trip and try to fix everyone's problem and be everything to everyone regardless of the consequences I bring on myself.  

I find myself automatically attempting to talk myself out of following the financial plan I set for myself, using all the deeply installed weapons of self destruction of guilting and shaming myself, wondering what really is the harm of taking another undesirable call from the collection officer, paying that insignificant delay fee and/or simply ignore depositing my savings for this month.  There is always a next month to stick to the plan!

Today, I am learning to listen carefully to the promises I made to myself, those of loving, honoring, cherishing, respecting, disciplining and taking care of me.

Today, I will ask my Higher Power's help to make my commitments and keep the promises I made to myself.  

Today, I know I am the Adult in my own life, and I am faithful. 

      "When God wanted to guarantee his promises, he gave his word, a rock-solid guarantee—" (Heb 6:17)

My Jealous God

Therefore my people will know my name; therefore in that day they will know that it is I who foretold it.  

Yes, it is I." --- (Isaiah 52:6)

Yesterday my spiritual daughter picked me up in her new car and we went for a ride, we sat down and caught up on all that went on when I was away.  My focus was on one thing, my girl has a beautiful brand new car.  I knew her when she was still in her first intermediate years at school with her beautiful short green school dress.   I introduced her to a life with God, and she introduced me to the rest of her family.  Few months later her father passed away and all their life seem to have gone down the drain.  The father died of a sudden heart attack and they lost their money as well, they went from a well doing elite family to a powerless fatherless kids living with a housewife widow, depending on the stingy uncle.

I cried for days and nights over her and her family, over the injustice of this life, I often thought and prayed out loud, if their father was alive they were not to be in such need or have to go through such scarcity.  A few months ago she had to do a very critical operation and the stingy uncle (who owns a hospital by the way) was arguing the postponement of this operation so she could be transferred to a less skilled but cheaper doctor.  My heart was broken and devastated.

By the grace of God, right on time she had the best available doctor operate on her.  She recovered well, experienced the presence and company of God as never before.  And shortly after that, she got a promoted at her job and bought a pretty brand new car.

As I sat in tears giving praise and worship to God for his faithful provision and unfailing love that never forsakes nor leaves us.  I remembered my other friend, who had a fall out in a bad relationship with an unfaithful fellow who unfortunately was even her spiritual leader.  Left her on her own with an unwanted child and a family who comes from a strict background who would not hesitate to even kill her or at least expose her to shame and humiliation for the rest of her life.  The experience was a shock on so many levels, I broke down before God and started doubting all that claims to be righteous.  Till the pastor of her church took notice and took my friend into his home with his wife, introduced her to many options, and offered her the most proper and gracious help and support that not even her own family or friends could have ever done not even if the situation was different and legit.  She had an operation and seemed to have turned the leaf.  I was still practicing my own pattern of worrying how would she continue her life, even if this part seem to have been covered well, what is next, how can she be restored or experience the joy of redemption. 

A young faithful guy soon took notice of her, and expressed his interest to marry her.  She shared this with her Pastor who took liberty to meet with the guy and right upfront told him how much this young lady means to him and his wife, and she is family.  If this guy thinks he is worthy to treat her with honor and respect he has to prove that to them.   The guy grew more found of my friend he was told the whole story but by no means was it made sound as if she was defected and he would be as if doing her a favor.  But the Pastor was clear that this girl is precious and favored in the eyes of God and whoever to be with her would be greatly blessed. 

A grand wedding was held with honor and glory.  You could spot me from anywhere in the church hall, I was the one crying my eye balls out and praising God.  For the invitees I was "the wired black girlfriend of the bride" LOL :-D

I was reminded today of many other stories of my friend who was trapped in an abusive marriage with an addict who was the first man she ever knew and fell in love with.  She was stuck literally incapable to make a change.  I stood powerless myself, hands tight thinking God I can't even start thinking of a way out.  Only few months later my friend's addict husband unfortunately passed away, and my friend left the country, months and months later she fell in love with this amazing spiritual, kind and dedicated fellow, she got married and had a beautiful young kid.

Dozens of similar stories, make me stand today before my Higher Power wondering with Jeremiah and the popular song "Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it?" -- (Lamentations 3:37)

Today I examine my life and see all that seems to be dying, drying, stuck, irreversible, and/or impossible and I just stop, stand still and know that you, my Lord are God!

Today, I look at my country, my situations, my life, my family and friends and wonder: Does it seem impossible in this world economics to find the right job, the right house, the proper living? Does it seem too late to find the Right Partner? To have a Child? To make a Family? Does it seem out of this world to think of a debt free and prosperous life, no credit cards attached?

Today, I know that I am going to see God's favor in a greater way.

Today, I hear my Higher Power telling me Awake, awake, ... clothe yourself with strength. Put on your garments of splendor....  Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, ... Free yourself from the chains on your neck,... --- (Isaiah 52:1-3)

"No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married" --- (Isaiah 62:4)

Faithful Compassion

"And without faith it is impossible to please God..." Hebrews 11:6

I read once that "it is the quality of faith and not the quantity that matters".  When I think about faith, I think of my ability to surrender, and how sometimes it is easier to do so than at other times.  For some reason whenever we try to encourage one another and urge ourselves to have faith, we tend to often speak of how much God is capable and powerful and make it sounds as if our lack of faith (ability to surrender) is a clear disbelief in the power of God to Do.  Though I think it might greatly help to meditate more on the fact that "God Wants" as much as "God Can".  


Whenever I am going through some trouble, I often reach out to the people around me or whoever I think might be able to help out.  Like when I am looking to change my job, I make a list of all my friends and people in my network who are connected and have resources in the job market, thinking that they would probably be able to help.  
I send e-mails, make phone calls and meet with some, and I find that though many would not have the ability to help, only few would go out of the way to think of someone who would. 


The same goes for me, whenever a friend of mine is stuck somewhere and in need of a lift home, a place to stay or make an urgent payment, I might not be able to help on my own, but I am sure to go all out and find the right people and resources to solve my friends' problems and bail them out of trouble.  


I find that I share this quality with some treasured friends, the compassion to not be able to see someone suffer and stand back hands tight when they reach for help.  We make sure we examined all our resources and then even go out of our way to be of help. 


Today, when faced with a problem that is out of my control, I remind myself to bring it before my Higher Power, He would not be able to see my pleads, cries and pain and look the other way.  


Today, from the sealing of the high obstacles and the roof of pains and sufferings I bring down my friends, dear ones and needs before my Higher Power.  For He has compassion. (Matthew 9:36; 14:14; Luke 7:13-14)

Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" -- (Mark 1:41)