Joseph, chagrined but noble, determined to take care of things quietly so Mary would not be disgraced. While he was trying to figure a way out, he had a dream. God's angel spoke in the dream: "Joseph, son of David, don't hesitate to get married"... -- Mat 1: 19 - 20
I was talking with a friend of mine the other day on commitment issues, and his first natural response was "no one willingly runs to be imprisoned". We debated the sense of being committed to a relationship, or a job or a vision and how it depends on how long we have been at the other end that with time we start realizing that we all want to have stable, sustainable commitments, we are only worried to make the wrong choices; We are Afraid!
I thought about a proper prayer for commitment and the story of Joseph and Mary came to mind, He was noble, yet that did not contradict the fact that he is human. He got cold feet, it wasn't fear of responsibility, it was new data being sprinkled on him; It was the fact that suddenly it seemed that he might be about to bite more than he could chew; He does love Mary but with the idea of a baby (let alone one that she claims was "supernaturally" conceived). I believe he was facing that moment of fight or flight and obviously his guts was telling him that flight was not a very bad option.
Fear of commitment can take many forms, shapes and sizes, with fears of relationships, marriage, being good parents, good employers or employees... that still shakes us to the core.
I confess I have a severe flight tendencies, I don't want to be hurt and in my mind my flight is rationalized by my selfless, considerate attempt to not be a source of disappointment and hurt another, which are in themselves carry fatal elements that are doomed to sabotage any equation.
I came to learn that it is only normal for us to fear new beginnings, things, people and see them as a dangerous territory. Today, I am coming to accept the simple fact that in many areas of my life I simply need to accept that it is OK to "feel" and be afraid as I am trying a brand new approach into life, people, places and things.
Today, I am also coming to realize and acknowledge that "feelings are not facts"; For most of the "unnatural; weird; new; foreign" changes that are being introduced to my life do not necessary mean that they are wrong; Just because they differ from the perfect set up I had in mind that doesn't mean it is not the right one for me!
Today, I am learning to look differently at my FEAR and see it as a doorway to many choices that might have variable effects on my life; Today I have the opportunity to take a decision to either "Fear ($#@%) Everything And Run" or "Face Everything and Recover".
Today, I am learning to take a deep breath and as I am figuring things out with my inner Joseph, I make a conscious choice to let myself be vulnerable and present, willing and ready to hear that Angel's voice to not fear taking that step and making that commitment!
