I Am Guided

And God said, "I will be with you.  And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you.  When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain."  Exodus 3:12


A phrase caught my eye between the lines of a meditation book and kept ringing in my ears like an alarm "Ask Questions".  Do I give myself permission to ask questions? what do I expect when I ask a question? Why am I avoiding to ask questions? Am I afraid to find out that I am standing in the wrong spot; that I have to take a U Turn, to restart or reboot? Would I find out that I have to change my moves in the game; change my playground; change my play mates; or quit the game all together?!


Am I afraid to ask about the next move at work, which might mean that I shall be leaving? Am I afraid to hear answers that open the door to more questions and make me wonder, what next? Am I afraid to contact an old friend lest a change in their life awakens the question of when will it be me? 


Do I refuse to ask a question in order to avoid a moment of an honest feeling, a moment that holds more questions of why, when and how; a moment that exceed my limitation!


Today, I believe that I am guided by a good shepherd who leads the way before me; who promises to instruct and teach me in the way I should go; who promises to council and watch over me if I drifted from my route.  (Psalm 32:8)


Today, I choose to ask questions concerning my life, trusting that I am guided in my quest and all the roads I have to take, will bring me to a moment of honesty and truth where there is an answer to my question.

Opportunity for Kindness and Healing

Exodus 9:15-16 "For by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people ...But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth".


Matthew 25:34-36 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."


Why do people have to go through tough times struggling with depression, severe back pains, marital problems, financial pressure, lonely times or even heat stress and fatigue?  The lessons that each experience have to bring are beyond me.  


I just know that when I am sick and my immunity system shut down and I become very weak and vulnerable, in my times of stress and financial needs.  Angels in the physical form of friends show up at my door step, carrying soup, crackers, donuts and even goodie bags. 


Though normally I am content with text messages, emails and chats, it is when my beloved friends are in distress that actual contact becomes necessary and crucial and I reach out to let them know that I love them and thinking of them during their tough times.  Its when the people I love are in need that I go all out and reach all my networks and everyone comes through wonderfuly to help a friend. 


Today, I find that times of distress though might be carrying within themselves deeper spiritual issues for me to face each time.  They are always an opportunity to recieve love, kindness and heal the dry cracked land of my soul.   

The Lesson is Love

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." - (2 Chronicles 7:14)


When I stood praying through my teeth as if trying to push back the waves of my emotionally challenging day back to God, praying "Dear God, I am your people, called by your name ... This is not happening to me!".  I remembered a nice quote I read once, "trying excessively to make a point with another mean that we have not yet made that point with ourselves".  Was my prayer a declaration of faith, or was I trying to convince God and sell him an idea that I am yet to establish with myself? 


One of my best couple friends are the source of most of my life lessons.  One day my dear girlfriend was telling me how hurt and devastated she was because her husband was moving out when one of her friends whom he doesn't like was coming to visit for a while.  Knowing what a lovely person her husband is and confident of how much he loves her I talked to him, in an attempt to reason with him to stay during the visit and perhaps he might change his mind.  When I asked him about why he doesn't like that friend I was prepared for many answers except the one he gave me, he said, "I do not like the way she treats my wife"!.  
I was silenced, I learned my lesson!


What do I hear and see God communicating to me through the course of my day, in the radical behaviors of those around me or when I am brought face to face with my emotional, physical and financial limitations.  Am I confident that the lesson is not only about love but it is love!


I am God's people, I am called by his name... I am loved and taken into consideration every single second. 

The Way Everlasting

"Search me O God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts, see if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting".  (Psalm 139:23-24)


A couple of days ago one of my dearest girlfriends, new Black Berry keypad got locked, she didn't know what to do, she tried everything she knew looked into the online and the printed manual but there were no helpful instructions.  So she posted on the wall of her Facebook page that she needs help unblocking her BB keypad. 


Couple of us threw her suggestions and she would try them and post a minute later "Nope, did not work" with a sad smiley face, until another friend told her to try a button on the top of the devise.  She found that button, it was hidden and sneaking but when she pressed it it worked, a minute later she posted a multiple happy smiley faces and a big "YES it worked".  Her BB keypad was finally unlocked. 


I often find myself stuck and blocked when faced with a dilemma of what is the best way to handle a situation, which is the best approach, what decision to make? Do I quit this job? Do I confront this person? Do I fire my cleaner? Is it ok to wait a little longer, and explore my options? 


I become very anxious.  How do I escape that fine line between submission and surrender? Am I loosing grounds when I admit the fact that I do not have the best way to resolving my own conflicts and my own problems? Am I afraid to ask for help because I believe that my strength and my self image/love/acceptance/ respect/self worth lies in my knowledge, and If I acknowledged my limitations and made them known I no longer own my power?


Today I know that my old beliefs that I am (loved/accepted/respected) partially or mostly because I am not really known and/or seen for who I truly am and/or what I really know or have, are no longer serving me well and are only making it hard for me to surrender. (Exodus 7: 13;22)


Today I rejoice in the fact that God knows my heart, my anxious thoughts and my ways; that he carefully examined, tested and saw them before he made me those promises and spoke those loving words of how much loved, accepted, beautiful, unique and commissioned I am. 

I Found ... So I Searched

Timing, its all about timing or is it? While on the phone with one of my dearest friends we wondered where were we from each other all the past years, and the answer was probably we were not ready to have each other just yet and may be we were not to end up so close. 


This wasn't the real question, as much as why now is it so easy to see that, the thing that we don't like to speak about, is now so simple, shallow and have no power over us at all, no bitterness no fuss, we say it like water. Those details that we didn't like to revisit, it becomes safe to just go there and admit, yes it is dead, it is broken, it is bent. I thought the past days on beliefs that keep me from doing things, and today I am identifying this new belief that made me drop those old ones just as easy. 


That relationship that broken up with no reasons, I walk on egg shells around it because it is the closer I got to one.  This thing that I am involved in, is so hard to admit because it is the closer I've got to safety, companionship, fun, and something you could call life.  It was so hard for me to turn that rock and look underneath because I can not bear the thought of another empty spot in my life.  We do not sleep sometimes because we are so tired, we do not listen to the calling for rest because we are so burdened (Exodus 6:9)


Today, I found abundance that carries within a promise for greater times to come, a richness in blessings that makes me immediately leave behind my net and my boat. (Matthew 4:20;22) 

Today, it is easy for me to call things by their real name, and see them for what they truly are.  Today, I fearlessly make that inventory and pray search me O' Lord, test me (Psalm 139:23-24) for I am ready to see that what is rotten, broken, bent and dead inside me, leave it behind and cross my Jordan.. for I have found!

Hands on Heart

I woke up with a stormy mind and heart, overwhelmed by all that seems Just Not Working any more. I am trying to stay positive and practice my affirmation towards curing my life. Yet I could not shake the thought of my mind from coming out of my mouth. "I feel Stuck"!

I started meditating and reflecting in all my past great, miraculous experiences that all spoke of God's faithfulness and love, and could not help but wonder as I still manege to panic and worry again and again. "What's Wrong With Me"??!!!

God started speaking to me through the story of the disciples in the boat with Jesus (Luke 8:23-25). And I think as the disciples were rebuked by Jesus on their little faith.. they were having a similar moment like mine. They stood there thinking that this was not their first encounter with Jesus, they were fully aware of who he was and what he could do. For indeed they witnessed first hand how he turned the water into wine, how he healed people left and right, how he fed those thousands of people with a couple of fish and loaf of bread. Yet they stood there fearing for their own dear life, panicking, yelling and screaming in the face of a wind storm. "What was wrong with them??!!!"

Then I thought about Peter in particular, he was a fisherman, being in the middle of the sea is what he did for living. You would only think that it was his comfort zone, little we know what went in his mind that moment. Because the sea was his life, he knew that it was not safe, he was raised to believe through all the folk tales, songs, life experiences around him that people drawn and boats break in the sea.

So do we, in our own sea of life, we know that in the course of life, we loose people, houses, jobs, investments, savings, we get hurt, and our hearts get broken.

Today I am reminded that before Jesus healed the man with leprosy he touched him first, healing his spirit from the long years of rejection, abandonment, low self esteem and emotional abuse. (Mark 1:40-42)

My prayers today, Lord, before you calm the winds and storms outside my boat.. speak calm and peace into my heart; before you speak healing and deliverance to my physical illness, my life challenges in finances and work, reach out your hand and touch me!

Today, I am Loved, I am Accepted and I am at Peace! (John 14:27)

I am Safe... I am Enough

I feel uncomfortable and tired from all the dysfunctional behavior of the people around me. I do not seem to understand why they do what they do.

What is happening to my life? How Can I separate myself from this annoying, irritating madness? I want it to stop!!

These questions and thoughts got me thinking on a quote I read the other day in my favorite book, it said "when there is something wrong... there is nothing to do, there is something to know".

So, in the spirit of trying everything that works toward healing my life, I asked myself; why I am attracting this to my life? what are my beliefs that make me see and experience scheming, plotting and ganging up at work? It is becoming a repeated picture in my life and it only seems to progress, as if every every time I try to escape it, the worse the situation, the people and level of discomfort becomes.

I started looking deeper, beyond what I thought I was supposed to believe in, searching through my deep rooted old beliefs. And I began to see that life appears to me like one of those reality TV shows like survivor, big brother, and American Idol. Is this why I see alliances being formed around me fearing for their existence and working for their own survival by voting out the competition? That my security, safety and existence depend on someone's vote for me to stay. That if I was identified as the weakest link, I get eliminated, so I need to overwork myself to compensate? Ride myself so hard, working overtime, ignoring all the healthy boundaries and nourishment to my being so that I prove my worthiness of this place?!!

Today I am reminded of God's words in Isaiah 42:3 "that a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out".

Today I believe that I am Safe, I am Blessed and that I am Enough! (Proverbs 10:22)