I am Seen.. I am Desired

"I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you." (Isaiah 43:4)


Early today, and I mean like really early before 4:00 a.m. I woke up in one of my spirit heated prayers episodes.  I call them episodes because for some reason in certain seasons I find myself up and about regardless of how late I went to bed or how well I am physically feeling, heated with prayers with a burdening load on my chest that won't go away until my spirit feels some sort of a resolution and answer to whatever issue lifted in my prayers.  
My best friend and my sister calls this time the shift changing time in the spiritual realm; she gets up herself sometime at this hour to dedicate the day to God and declare him as her Higher Power over the course of her day.  
I am not sure where she got that from, but I like it.. it reminds me of the scene in the movie "The City of Angels" when all the Angels used to gather from all around to witness sunrise saying that it makes a magnificent sound that only they "Angels" could hear and they give praise at that time. 


So, in my shift changing time, I was feeling darkness all around not only in my room but inside me that have filled me with feelings of fear, disorientation and confusion.  I started lifting up my eyes to where my help comes from (Psalm 121:1) and this temporarily moment of darkness made me reflect on other periods of darkness in my life.  I was reminded of a one dark moment in my life filled with despair, destitute and pity; seeing myself abandoned by "man" and felt no hope that things will ever get bettered, I decided to end my life.  Yes, I did!  With the grace of God, my life was preserved, with no significant damage whatsoever, except to the heart of my God apparently!  


I felt the face of my loving God looking down at me, reminding me in HIS loving voice, "I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine." (Isaiah 43:1).  Though I am a particle in this wide earth, in the galaxy and in the creation, my Higher Power has spotted me, SEEN me, and Loved me, HE Desired and Wanted me.  HE knew that being in this falling wold I was to perish if I am left to follow my choices and those made of my ancestors before me.  HE Wanted Life for Me and WORKED for it, with a living, perfect, pure and holy sacrifice; so that I may not perish but Live! (John 3:16)
The longing loving spot in my Higher Power's heart did not allow me to go and lay in the ground with those before me deceived by a lie that says-- I am not Loved! feeling rejected by humans.  


In our modern day, when we people work for the Government and taxes we say working for the man!  In that moment of honesty in my shift changing prayer time I saw how I lived, worked for and was fooled and manipulated by the man.  The Man in the world form of what we think is "In Control" and "In Charge" to grant us acceptance, approval and love; deciding on our success and failures.  


In this deep moment of unity with my God in spirit I was reminded of the sweetest voice of my best friend and sister and the twin of my soul, asking me to pray for her so she can feel the self acceptance and approval she deserves!!  My spirit shouted with drums and noise, knowing the special truth my Higher Power lovingly wanted to share with me at this so early hour in the morning.  


Today, I declare the WILL of my Higher Power over my life; Do not die with the lie, but live with the truth that "I am God, You Personal God... Your Savior" (Isaiah 43:3)


Today, I attend to the bride of the throne with oil of myrrh and sweet odors for Her preparation to stand pure and without wrinkle before the Groom (Esther 2:12); with only tears of longing and gratitude, wearing their crowns of pride and dignity with HIS love banner over them, giving themselves to the Groom accepting HIS long awaiting invitation to join HIM in eternal living.  


Today, I blog, for "I didn't die. I lived! And now I'm telling the world what God did." (Psalm 118:17)

The Sign-Posted Path

Isa 26:8  "We're in no hurry, GOD. We're content to linger in the path sign-posted with your decisions. Who you are and what you've done are all we'll ever want."


"Coincidences are miracles in which God chooses to remain anonymous." (AA 12 Steps Slogan)


My very good friend has a degree in children education and she has a personal passion for working among children.  She works in a good reputable cancer care major institution in an administrative position.  Though she loves the place, she shared with me several times how she wishes to get involved in a ministry that involves children in which she can combine her educational background, her work expertise and her passion together.  She explored many ways to achieve this but no door seems to open.  We encouraged each other several times sharing our visions and heart desires for our lives.  
She wrote me an e-mail the other week sharing how she went to this work function and as she was mingling and making conversations as her wonderful lovely self she bumped into this lady and they developed a connection over the conversation, she casually shared about her background and her passion and then realized she had to leave as she was excusing herself the lady told her that she worked at the Pediatric ward and might be interested to see how my friend could get involved, my friend was as always pleased with that and was exchanging contact details in a hurry, as she had no pen and paper to get the lady's info she took a picture of her badge.  As my friend sat in her car driving back she looked into the information details to record them in her phone and she realized she had actually talked to the Director of the Pediatric Division.  
How about that!! She stopped her car with an urge to pray and give thanks to God and as she lifted her eyes to the sky she saw that she was standing next to a big billboard sign that said "God Listens!"


Recently, I have been seeing signs on my own road.  A conversation I had with a friend revealed to me that not going to that trip I was longing for last week was actually a big blessing because I needed to learn more on the people I was meeting.  Haven't I seen the other sides of the picture might have had a significant affect on my enjoyment of the trip.  


I also came to learn that though I had made no personal plans or expectation on how to spend my vacation a dear friend of mine was putting together good plans to introduce me to people I might enjoy and places I might be interested to see.  


An e-mail from a one time acquaintance I have made contact with four years ago in my career search, showed me that I am remembered.  When approached by people looking for professionals to take part in their new project he remembered me and found my CV and forwarded it to them.  Not knowing where I am today in my life, and if I was even looking or would be interested to change jobs.  
I expressed my gratitude to this nice person and told him that indeed I am reaching the end of my contract in the Gulf and moving back home and I am looking and interested to find a suitable career opportunity.  


Then before I could recover from this pleasant "coincident" I got another e-mail from another friend sharing on some other foundation working in the same area of interest that I am passionate about.  


Though, I am still to make that trip, meet all sorts of people, visit places or just sit peacefully reading a book or watching a movie, and knowing that I might or might not be contacted for that career opportunity I find amazing.  I find myself filled with Awe! staring mentally at the same highway sign as my friend reading "God Listens!".


Today, I learn to interpret those signs to read a kind message from my Higher Power telling me "Dear Child, I do not need your help today, thanks--God" (12 Steps Slogan)


Today, I learn to let go of my need to be worried, anxious, upset and hurried.  Today, I choose to trust my Higher Power to be my utmost Advocate.  


Today, I learn that my Higher Power does not need my help to take care of me and bring me the the future I hope for. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Today, I Let go and Let God.  Today, I take a decision to turn my will, my life and my circumstances over to the care of God as I understand him. 

Living Well...

Mar 5:34  Jesus said to her, "Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed! Be healed of your plague." 


A phrase that has meant a lot for me lately that my colleague uttered so casually commenting on ones future and life "It is so easy to worry"!


As I am closing one chapter of my life, taking the decision to resign my current job and go on a quest to pursue my own vision.  I recently find it within to take a pause, put my fear and anxiousness aside, ignore what I think people and circumstances want me to do... and ask myself what do I want to do.  What do I see myself in, what does my heart and inner soul is guiding me towards.  


Reciting my declaration and affirmation that I will overcome every obstacle and defeat every enemy.  I came to learn that I AM my biggest obstacle and my enemy at large.  I came to pay attention to how closely I observe how people grade me and how I measure myself against what they regard of me.  I hear my boss tell me that he sees me as a talented inspired writer and knows exactly how far I could go, and at the same time, how he disregards any chance to optimize my talents but on the contrary casts me aside and offer a room for growth and promotion to a complete unknown outsider.   Instead of anger, which at least would have been an understandable feeling, I tend to draw on pity and disappointment on how I am not destined for greatness.  I came to learn how close to me was discouragement and how high people are regarded in my life that in them I find the source of motivation and guidance, it is them who dictate my present and draw the guidelines of my future journey.  


It is then that I came to acknowledge the truth of how far from the center is My Higher Power.  It became clear how much my inner compass required tweaking.  I dried my eyes and had a confrontation moment in which I brought my inner child to meet my Divine Father for a real first parental meeting.  I Knew I needed to give my Divine Parent the chance to be the Leader in my life, the Alpha and the Omega, to guide and lead me where I need to go.  I am finally ready to listen, hence, I knew I would now hear.   


I came to learn the past few weeks that regardless of how powerless I seem to be and how unmanageable life seems, I always have a choice.  I can choose to either be by my side or abandon myself.  


I choose today to listen to the true, loving and caring voice of my God as I understand Him who lives within me as Me! Telling me who I truly am, what do I truly like, guiding me through the path I need to take towards my purposeful journey to heal my heart and bring quality to my life.  


Today, I learned to let down my fear and know though it seems so easy to worry I can choose "not to let Security - Or my search for it - be my base of operations" (from the book In All Our Affairs)


As I take a joyful confident step in my new journey towards an unknown, unframed, unlimited, unrestricted, unchained and unleashed life I let the kind voice of my Higher Power washes away my past pains, hurts, frustrations, discouragement and fills me with His truth of me.  Seeking the same experience as that bleeding woman centuries ago after suffering bent down and drained for 18 years by this plague, spending fortunes left and right searching for someone to cure her and put a stop to the drain that torn her life with shame and disgrace.  Daring in spite of all that to imagine a life of healing and wholeness, pushing through the crowd to touch the edge of the Messiah's robe, trusting that this simple act of faith can bring closure to a long exhausting chapter of her life, offering her a new leaf, and a new chance to live the life she was meant to have.  She knew she had all that she dreamed of and more when the kind, reassuring voice of Christ said to her, "Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed! Be healed of your plague." (Mark 5:34)


"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end" (from the book As we Understood)